How we co-create the wounds we carry….
A True Story of War, Anxiety, and Collective Responsibility
Recently, I had an opportunity to meet a client from Ukraine. She was young, in her mid-thirties, and reached out urgently. Even over the phone, her anxiety was unmistakable. Given her state, we decided to meet immediately to see if there was any way I could help.
It was a cold winter afternoon. The sun was weak, the day short, and the sky overcast—almost as though the environment itself was reflecting her inner world. We met in a coffee shop around late noon. I arrived early, found a seat near the heater, and waited for her. Within minutes, the door opened. She walked in, visibly distressed and out of place. She declined a warm drink, unable to settle her body enough to receive comfort.
As we began speaking, it became clear that she was experiencing severe anxiety. Her nervous system would not allow her to relax. Fear had taken a visible toll on her body. Though young, she appeared to have aged rapidly over the past three years. Her racing heart, trembling fingers, and rigid facial expression told the story of a silent panic attack unfolding in real time.
Witnessing Trauma as It Is Being Formed
Over years of healing work, I have supported many people living with trauma. Most come after the traumatic event has passed—sometimes years later. But this time was different. I was witnessing trauma in the making.
She was just 30 when her life changed irrevocably. At the time, she was living and studying in London, far from her family in Ukraine. Her last Christmas with them now felt like a closing chapter before she returned abroad. Then came 24 February 2022.
On that day, her world collapsed. Her family lived east of Kyiv. Since then, their home had been destroyed. She lost her brother. She lost her dog. Her father sustained severe war injuries due to shelling, losing the use of the left side of his body. Her mother struggled to escape on her own. The entire neighbourhood was wiped out. Communication was fragmented. Fear was constant. Eventually, her family managed to evacuate and receive medical care—but the damage was already done.
Trauma Does Not Pause While Life Continues
As she sat across from me, she asked if I could help heal her and her family. Her face carried desperation and a quiet search for hope. During our brief meeting, she repeatedly lost her train of thought, dissolved into tears, and searched for answers to questions no one could answer:
–When will this end?
–How much more can we endure?
I had no answers.
What struck me deeply was how invisible her suffering was to the world around her. Life continued as usual in that café, while her internal world was collapsing. Her story held not just her pain, but the pain of her mother, her injured father, her lost brother, her friends, and an erased community.
Our meeting lasted barely twenty minutes. A phone call came—her father was in pain. She had to leave immediately. But she stayed with me.
The Healer’s Question: What Can Be Done?
That night, I couldn’t sleep my mind remained with her. As a healer, I searched for ways to help—but neither of us could stop a war. I began asking myself difficult questions:
-Who is responsible for this war?
-How do such traumas keep repeating?
-Why does humanity continue to create suffering on this scale?
Blame felt easy—but truth did not.
The Uncomfortable Truth: Trauma Is Collective
What emerged was a painful realization: we are not separate from what we witness.
I realised that in unconscious ways, I too am part of the system that allows such trauma to exist.
Human beings have been silent witnesses to suffering for centuries. Sometimes directly, sometimes indirectly, human greed, power struggles, and unconscious action have led to devastating trauma—wars, displacement, loss, and generational suffering.
We create systems without awareness. We participate without questioning. And when we are finally at the receiving end, we ask why it hurts.
She was not just a client.
She was the face of humanity.
Trauma Repeats Until Consciousness Interrupts It
We first lack awareness and help create systems that generate suffering. Then, when those systems turn toward us, we question them.
If trauma remains unconscious, it repeats—across lifetimes, generations, and societies. Faces change, locations change, but the experience remains the same.
The only healing available to us—individually and collectively—is consciousness.
Do we question our actions and our participation?
Or do we move through life unconsciously, assuming events happening “far away” have nothing to do with us?
We Are a Collective—and We Experience What We Create
This is not about Ukraine or Russia. Not about Iran, Venezuela, India, or Pakistan.
This is about humans harming humans, while others watch from a distance.
As a collective, we create the world we live in. And whatever we create collectively, we eventually experience personally.
Trauma exists in our lives because, consciously or unconsciously, we continue to fuel it.
A Resolution
If nothing else, let us resolve to stop feeding trauma.
Not for others.
Not even for our children.
But because we will be the ones who return to live the consequences of what we create today.
